Part 1: The Breakdown

Have you ever found yourself struggling to identify your passions and what brings you joy and happiness? Perhaps you've felt lost and unsure of where you fit in and how to truly be yourself. I experienced these same feelings after the birth of my first son, Ethan. As a first-time mom, I was filled with excitement and love, eager to provide him with all the experiences I had and more. However, after about 6 to 8 months, I began to feel a sense of unease and confusion about myself that I couldn't quite describe. I questioned my purpose and identity, unsure of where these feelings were coming from. Despite my love for my son and being a wife, I couldn't pinpoint who I was. It was a challenging time, and I realized that I needed help to figure things out.

Let me take a moment to reflect on my journey to motherhood. Even before my son was born, I was determined to be the best mom I could be. I read countless articles, attended all my appointments, consulted with a nutritionist, and sought advice from friends who were already parents. Of course, my own mother was the ultimate source of guidance. I always knew I wanted to be a mother and eagerly anticipated the experience. I was confident that I was fully prepared for all the challenges that motherhood would bring.

After giving birth to my healthy 8-pound baby boy, I was overjoyed with a range of emotions - love, excitement, joy, and disbelief. It was everything I had imagined and more. Bringing him home felt natural as if he had always been a part of our family. The realization that this little baby boy was depending on his father and me was overwhelming, but I loved every moment of being a mother. Although there were sleepless nights, I was up for the challenge because I had always wanted to be a mom. I thought I had it all figured out.

I found myself feeling disconnected from my own emotions, despite being certain that I wanted to become a mother. I had eagerly prepared for this new chapter in my life, gathering all the latest baby toys and researching breastfeeding as if it were a new discovery. However, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. I knew I needed to confide in someone about my inner turmoil.

I found myself grappling with understanding my inner thoughts and emotions, and how to effectively communicate and overcome them. Despite my efforts, I remained unsure of the root cause, yet I recognized the importance of moving forward. However, I felt unsure of where to start. I have always been confident in my identity, purpose, and passions, so it was a strange and uncomfortable experience to suddenly feel unsure of who I am and what I should be doing. To cope with these feelings, I turned to my husband for support and shared my concerns with him. During this time, he offered me invaluable feedback and provided unwavering support. He encouraged me to explore new hobbies and engage in activities that brought me joy. While I initially followed his advice, I found myself struggling to maintain my motivation and often returned to the comfort of my home to spend time with my child. As a result, I found myself back where I started.

Despite receiving valuable advice and a sympathetic ear from my husband, I found myself unable to fully resolve my problem or identify the root of my emotions. As a result, I turned to my mother, my closest confidante and the person who truly understands me for who I am.

Undoubtedly, my mother would possess the answers to my current predicament. After all, she is my mother and has always been a reliable source of solutions to any issue I face. I was confident that she could assist me in resolving this matter. During a time of unease and uncertainty about my identity, my mother was a reliable source of support. Her guidance and positive influence have always been a source of inspiration in my life. I turned to her for advice on how to regain my sense of self, and she provided me with sound counsel, encouraging me to pray and talk to God about my feelings.

Even with my efforts to pray and seek guidance, I found myself trapped in an unfamiliar place with no clear path forward. I felt lost and unable to navigate my way out of the confusion and uncertainty that troubled me. It was a frustrating and disorienting experience, leaving me questioning why I was feeling this way and struggling to rediscover my sense of self.

One day, a close friend of mine offered some valuable advice. They suggested that I seek the help of a therapist to uncover the root of my struggles and move forward from a stagnant place. I was impressed by their suggestion and a bit disappointed that I hadn't thought of it myself. However, I took their advice and visited a therapist, which ultimately transformed my life.

“Motherhood was the great equalizer for me; I started to identify with everybody.” Annie Lennox